Live your best life. Be the best you. Make no apologies.

Struggle to my nees

Deji DipeoluComment

Do you know who I am?
Have you heard about me?
My pastor says I am great
That I am a king, son of the King of kings
Yea, I know you’ve heard about me
Worth more than my weight in gold, apparently
That’s what they say…
I don’t see it, I look in the mirror and I just see me
Inept, incapable, useless, filthy rags
And I know I need my Lord
So I whisper “J…”
Oh but I got that job, highly demanding
Gotta pay the bills, hardly sleep as it is, plus I got those exams
Aint got time to pray, no time for weekday church
Gotta get paid
Oh but I pay my tithe tho, I’m faithful right?
I’m at church on Sunday,
But too much going on in the week
You cant seriously ask me to give another 2 hours on a Wednesday
I barely have a life as it is, barely sleep as it is
My relationships and friendships have all died from neglect
And now I’m alone, lonely, sad
So I try to turn to the One who is always there
Bow my head in tears and call on “Je…”
Whoa did you see that girl??
God , You must have spent a lil more time on HER!! 
I’m gunna have to put this Christianity thing on hold
I’m young and in my prime, gotta live before I’m old
And there’s all these beautiful women
Plus them Bible rules are strict man
I’m having fun, had four girlfriends this month alone
But I’m starting to really like this one
Beautiful, smart, talented, ambitious
She even sings in the choir at church
God cant possible be mad at what we do
After all, we’re in love

At least… I thought we were
It’s been 2 months and six girls now
Since she left and why? I still don’t know
She said she didn’t feel right living against His will
And now I go from relationship to empty relationship
Looking to fill the bottomless pit inside of me
Trying not to acknowledge that I don’t feel right either
I feel dead, empty,
And I start to cry out “Jes…”

But no I cant come to him like this
I’m bruised battered and broken, I need to patch myself up
He wont want me like this….how can He?
I don’t even like me like this
I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to turn
I’m lost , I cant take this any longer
I need help
And in my despair, I feel a rising up within me
It’s been there silent for too long
And now I can no longer contain it
As I fall to my knees and cry out
Help me, save me, forgive me